It always surprises me how one thing will set me off. This morning, I woke up, still feeling like the piece of crap that I am, but in a way that I could partially ignore. I get up, grab my toothbrush, head over to the bathroom, and get ready to do my...business. Then I noticed something that will keep me on edge all day. I'm not going to say what, but trust me, there is a reason why.
Now, that one thing just upped my stress level, and let the floodgates open once more. What was an easy to ignore voice in my head earlier, is now a screaming demon yelling at me about how I can't do anything right. "Your life is shit. You are shit! You can't do the simplest things you ugly fat fuck. God, you are so stupid. Do us all a favor and stop contaminating the gene pool."
If my roommate wasn't here, I would probably be grabbing my head in sorrow and crying big heaving, gagging tears. The kind that make your throat close up and you feel like you are going to choke on your own unhappiness. That kind of crying.
Maybe it is a good thing she's here. She helps me to suppress it. I said before, I'm putting my money on death by emotionally grown tumor, as opposed to suicide. Then I won't have to feel so guilty about leaving everyone else behind. I won't be the one to inflict the hurt.
Right?
No comments:
Post a Comment