Dating Neurosis

With the great feeling of being with a guy comes a whole new category of neurosis, unlike anything I have ever experienced.

This guy makes me feel a kind of happiness I am not used to feeling. He makes me feel wanted, attractive, beautiful, and sexy. All these things were completely unknown to me previously. But one thing does not fit in well with these newfound feelings. I am more self-concious than ever! Now, this may not make sense for some, but I will explain.

Since I have a guy, I am more aware of all my faults more often. I am afraid that any little unattractive, gross, disgusting, ugly thing I see in myself will be discovered by him, and he will leave. He doesn't text me all day, and I think I did something wrong. I text him first and I think I am being clingy. See what I mean?

So, even though he has made no indication that he feels any of these things, I can't help but think them. Sometimes, I think he can tell when I'm feeling particularly awkward. I think part of it is because I am completely new at this, and he isn't. I just don't want him to get bored if I'm going too slow, but at the same time I don't want to go too fast because I don't want him to get bored.

But at the same time, I kind of want to go a little faster than I should. I just don't know if that is the right thing for me.